My New Beginning

Me at 5 yrs. old

Over the years there have been many attempts on my part to gain control of my weight.  When I was very young it wasn't about being fat at that point, I suffered very little physically...the pain came from the rejection from my peers. Recess time at school was often a lonely experience, nobody wanted to be seen playing with the 'fat girl'. One episode stands out in my mind,1st grade, recess had just began and everyone was standing outside the doors anticipating who to play with. A group of my classmates where gathering for a game of some kind and I was informed that I was not to be included in the group because I was too fat. It's at that moment that I realize that someone would hate me because of how I looked, and was confusing to me that it would be a good reason to exclude me...it hurt a lot. Over the years I became used to playing alone most of the time.


Me age 7, and my nephew Lonnie

  My mother put me on my first diet when I was 7, I don't remember how much I lost but I do recall the satisfaction with my accomplishment and about how good I felt physically...however, it didn't last. And when I was in high school a guy I in my class lost a bunch of weight at Weight Watchers, he was well over 300lbs. when he started. He suggested I try it and I started going with him and his folks to the meetings. I lost about 35lbs. and it was the most I had been able to lose at that point. But, my friend reached his goal weight and became a lifetime member and wasn't required to attend weekly meetings anymore...I lost my diet buddy. Also, because my father was on a fixed income and couldn't handle the weekly fee so I dropped out intent on keeping with the program and well, you know, I gained it all back plus more.  After school I didn't think about my weight much, and it wasn't a pressing issue with with me.



My family and I (right) 1982

 But by 1984 I had ballooned to 280 lbs. and I was still not phased. Almost hid my head in the sand about it and became offended when my father would air his concern about my health at this weight. So my mother and I began going to 'TOPS' together. It was good, I would lose some weight  now and then and after the meeting we would go to the local steak house and pig out. By 1990 my parents had both passed away and I was on my own. I worked as a hotel maid and it was at that point that I started experiencing pain in my joints and the fatigue associated with my size. In December of 1992 I weighed 319 lbs., although I didn't have the income to afford a formal weight loss program, I pulled out the old Weight Watchers book from my high school days and began following it on my own. By November of 1993 I had lost 107 lbs.. I did aerobic exercise 3 times a week and walked and rode my bike several miles in the week and I felt great. I was down to 214 lbs. and was sure I could keep going. No doctor will ever tell you that rapid weight loss could lead to gall bladder disease, and that's what happened as result of my efforts. Fatty foods such as red meat, cheeses, ice cream, etc. would double me over in pain. I didn't eat these kinds of foods for 2 years knowing what they would do to me. After starting the job I have now in 94' I was fortunate to have health insurance again and I got it removed. I was able to eat the fatty foods again and began a rapid weight gain again, all the way well into the 300's again. Since then I have started over and over trying to duplicate the success of my big weight loss but I have not been able to come close before I loose control again and the pounds start coming back. In February of this year I was at 395 lbs. and life was unbareable. So I began Weight Watchers again (5th try maybe?) and the loss was painfully slow, and many weeks I would loose and gain the same 3 lbs. over and over and I realized that this was a waste of time and money. The only thing that I have not tried was bariatric surgery which in my mind was a last resort. It's not a hasty fix for my situation, this is something that has been looked into with a lot of concideration. I didn't want it to end this way, but the evidence points to the fact that I will never have a chance for a healthy weight again. Of all those who have tried to lose weight by dieting, 98% will gain it back...unfortunately I am one of them.

Me 370 lbs.

Yesterday I have been given my date for surgery which is something that makes me very happy. So for the new year ahead, 2012 will be a new beginning for me. A new chance to regain an active life, pain free. Happy New Year everyone!!!!